What Do We Keep?

Hi, my friends! Goodness, it’s been such a long time since I’ve been able to just sit down and write. These past few months since my last post have been a complete whirlwind filled with the good, the bad and the ugly. Here are a few things that happened:

• I finished my holiday staycation in Charleston with a new found appreciation for small towns and all their glory (& shortcomings)
• I applied for several ATX apartments, considered not moving, thought about staying in Charleston and then, after almost 12 maybe apartments, I found a place to live
• I officially moved to ATX! In January I made the half cross country drive and moved into a cool loft
• I started, struggled throughout and actually *didn’t* finish grad school in May (more to come on that later)
• I, in the most surprising and sad way, lost my dad. In turn, I connected with my brother and am forever grateful
• I explored one of bucket list places in Texas: Fredrickburg for a full day wine tour
• I spent way way way too much furnishing and decorating my house and am now about 75% done

Every few months I feel like I say that the past few months have been a whirlwind and I’m sure y’all feel the same way. Who could have even predicted the last month? Who could have predicted the past two years?

Recently I was having this exact conversation with a friend, then with my mom, then with a co-worker and they all came down to the same question: what do we keep? What do we keep from the past two years? All the cool, helpful, quirky habits and hobbies we picked up, do we continue them? Do we continue the game night with friends from afar and mid day calls to our moms? Do we keep the simplicity habits of only going to the grocery store when we need to and not several times a week without a list ? Today, I want to share what I will keep and what I hope we, as a greater society, strive to keep.

Here’s what I hope to keep:

1. Truly random phone calls to friends just because. I love that in the past two years I have been able to simply pick up the phone and call a friend when I am thinking of them. No scheduling, no pre-work, no big mission or purpose, simply calling to say: “Hi, I was thinking of you and want to say hello. Are you free?” I truly feel like my relationships became stronger and more deeply connected through being able to show up for friends in the everyday, the mundane and the random turned extraordinary.
2. Trying new things, being 110% okay when I am not good at them and still going at it. ICYMI, I started tennis lessons last summer/early Fall. And y’all, I am awful. Truly, I am not good at tennis. Not even okay at it. And you know what, I absolutely love it. I absolutely love that I was able to try something new and not be afraid of failing. In the past, I would naturally gravitate towards what I thought I would be good at. This was for many reasons like not wanting to be embarrassed and fail but also because of time. I (felt like I) didn’t have the time to dedicate to many new things because my schedule was already so packed. Here in Austin I plan to start lessons again and even though I don’t intend on getting that much better, I am super excited just to have something to do that gets me out, keeps me in shape and has zero pressure to be perfect.
3. Doorstep delights to loved ones. Y’all, I love giving gifts. Like, l o v e. I so enjoy seeing something out that reminds me of a friend and grabbing it to surprise them with. Because we weren’t supposed to see people, leaving these little gifts of hand-written notes, wine, snacks, candles, candy, flowers and/or other sweet gifts was a way to show others how much you care for and appreciate them. I’ve shared some of them over on Instagram in my stories but truly, nothing compares to a small gift of appreciation and a had-written note to let someone know you are thinking of them. For loved ones further away, I shared the same doorstep delight surprises with floral deliveries or Starbucks gift cards or wine delivery. The item itself didn’t matter and varied across person, budget, time and distance but the thought and the simple act went a long way.
4. Daily, small gratitude and appreciation. Yes, I know, this sounds like common sense to be grateful for the things we have. But if we can be honest friends, all of us in the past two years have listed things so tiny and basic that we were grateful for. Being able to take a walk with the neighbors o finding the perfect peony at Trader Joe’s or listening to the latest episode of our favorite podcast. All these small things eventually made it to my personal gratitude list with so much excitement that you would have thought I hit the lottery. In a time filled with so much madness and sadness; and uncertainty and fear; these small things keep me motivated to see the light at the end of the daily tunnels.
5. My own life/work balance. Pre-pandemic, I worked from home at least once week. I was one of the only people in my company who had a set WFH day and I so loved it. During this day, I could do all my favorite things and find true life/work balance. Meaning my work had to fit into my life and not the other way around. On this day I was able to wake up at the same time but gain an hour to myself that would normally be spent getting dressed, putting on make-up and completing the commute. Sometimes this hour was spent on extra sleep but other times it was used to front load my day so I could go to my favorite barre fusion class at 4:30. I absolutely loved it and looked forward to every Thursday knowing that I would have some time to carve out for myself. Last week, when I was recording a DITL via IG stories, I had this same, ideal life work balance day. I able to wake up early enough to take two morning meetings then have time for heads down work. I was able to complete two loads of laundry, dishes (via dishwasher) and call to book appointments like Max to get groomed and for me to see an allergist. I somehow squeezed in a 30 min virtual yoga class and attended an event that night. Don’t get me wrong, this was definitely a full day but I was so excited just thinking about the fact that if I was in an office that day, I wouldn’t have been able to do nearly half of the things that helped my life feel on track. I went into that Friday of work and weekend feeling refreshed and free of chores.
6. Taking inventory on my life. If you know me in real life, you know that I am naturally a rule breaker. I try hard and fail fast and then try it again. I commit to too many things and too slowly unload them when they no longer make sense. I have no shame or guilt or sadness in these attributes of mine. I love them. However, during the past two years, when we were confined to our homes, I had more time to take inventory of my life. The work I was doing; friends I kept; the hobbies I had; daily rituals I practiced; and the “plans” I had for my life. So many days started or ended with me running an inventory on how I was treating my body and the time I dedicated to church. I thought about what and who I was most worried about why. I kept track of all the things I felt like I was currently enjoying in the life and things I was not. This type of personal and professional inventory allowed me to make big changes in my previous role by having time to professionally develop and think more about the future. It also allowed me to make a job and industry move with time to focus and plan. If you’re considering this type of life inventory, my favorite is with my PowerSheets from Cultivate What Matters. Each month has a reflection sheet then every quarter you take a deeper inventory and plan for the next quarter in 8 categories like work, friendships, health, etc. You can simply use lined paper to do the same or a specific tool. The most important thing is to make sure you are always evaluating the same aspects of life then taking time to compare, digest and move accordingly

Now what I hope we as a society keep:

1. Empathy, empathy and more empathy. We gave so much grace, space and general kindness to others in the past two years. We approached people from 6 feet away with less judgement and more concern about their wellbeing. We thought more about what they might be facing and rallied behind people we didn’t know to support them through GoFundMe, donation portals for job los, extra drop-offs to shelters with clothes and shoes, added to our neighborhood free little pantries and more. Because we were in the same collective fight, we were blindly and openly kind to everyone. I hope we lead with this same level of compassion, respect and empathy moving forward.
2. Choosing joy by switching gears or changing paths! I am one of the 1 in 5 Americans who switched jobs during the pandemic and wow, how freeing was it to make that decision. Of course, some of us were forced to or left without the options when it came to moving jobs. However, when talking with so many of my friends, colleagues and searching online forums, the changing of jobs (mostly) came down to three things: money, freedom and happiness. These people wanted more money and/or greater freedom to live anywhere and/or wanted to find greater happiness in their role or life/work balance. And I love this! I have always believed that life comes before work. Don’t get me wrong, I am always so grateful to be in a job I love/like a lot and find joy in it. I also know how important it is to have a full life ourself of work full of friends, hobbies and personal enjoyment. My sincere hope is that we find time to evaluate our jobs and work life often and find what works, what doesn’t and what our next moves are in a way that we all feel comfortable and empowered to do so.
3. Paying attention to our own backyards, valuing the knowledge about and supporting others. Of course, I can’t think about the last two years without thinking about the lives of #GeorgeFloyd, #BreonnaTaylor, #AhmaudArbery and so many more. For the first time in my adult life, I felt like people outside of our community actually paid attention to the news and the senseless k******s of Black people in America. Horrific and unimaginable for some, all to common for others. To be clear, I do not think this should have been the moment people woke up. Nor do I believe that the names I mentioned, as well as so many others, “gave” theirs lives for the cause: their lives were taken – full stop. I do believe that people rallied behind getting justice; supporting their grieving families; and overall educating themselves on the widespread, systemic mistreatment of Black people in America. I truly hope that so many of the practices we established, mailing lists we joined and causes we chose to support back then continue on with us and make us always put our money where our mouths are.

Well friends, 2000 words later and I might be finished! This is why I miss blogging so much over social because I can actually get all my words out, no matter how messy! If you made it this far, I would love to know in the comments: what do you plan to keep in the new season of life? The good, the bad and/or the different 😉

Thanks so much for reading, friends! -xo, Azanique <3