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Happy Wednesday friends! I hope each and every one of you is having an amazing start to your week and an easygoing start to the day. On Wednesdays, I usually get to take it slower in the mornings while working from home with my pup at my feet and a cup of joe in my hand in my cozy pajamas, so today I am utilizing every second of that tranquility. About two months ago I started teaching at our local community college (HOORAY for growth) and so with my ever-changing schedule, Wednesdays have turned into my simple days of getting work done at my own pace before the race to the weekend hits.
So recently, I received so much feedback, many questions and a bunch of comments on my advice for staying out of the comparison game. To be honest y’all, it is so easy to get caught up in comparing myself to other bloggers, young professionals, recent graduates and more, especially because y’all know my life has been a full whirlwind over the past year. And for me, stoping the comparison cycle came down to loving myself more. I started to value myself the way God values me and now my heart doesn’t ache as much to be more like others and it has been an amazing journey. ICYMI, most of these comments came after this blog post and pictures on my Instagram. Over the past few years I scaled back from wearing tight clothes because I hadn’t been happy with my body, fitness progress (lack thereof) and how I looked standing next to girls my same size in the same outfit. And y’all, if I being completely honest, nothing major has changed about my body or weight or shape, but I have chosen to embrace it a little more. I was so excited and relieved and overjoyed and grateful and just hands down floored, by all the wonderful and encouraging words I received just from wearing something I loved and embracing my own curves. And so as a follow-up to that, I wanted to share my 5 tips for loving myself more inspire of the voices in the back of my head telling me that I shouldn’t.
1 | Putting my phone down – So for some of y’all, this one may seem like a no-brainer but honestly, it was probably the one I struggled the most with. As an influencer and freelance social media + event manager, I am on my phone for 80% of my waking hours most days. Whenever I felt myself going into the black hole of social media, I locked my phone and stepped away for 10 minutes. I realized that as I was falling into that hole, most of the time it was because I was obsessing over someone or something that I didn’t have and telling myself I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or successful enough as some girls I saw online. And what I soon learned was that I was telling myself a single sided story of the truth, not knowing the real life side of what those people had been through, had to do, how hard they work and more. By doing this comparison with them, I was not only selling myself short but selling them short as well.
2 | Channeling my support system – To be frank, I have amazing supports all around me that are always a phone call away. Many of my close friends still live in different places around the US and when I am feeling down and out, I give them a call. Now, I don’t look for them to compliment me and make me feel good about my outward appearance, but I take note at how they love me through their words, support, encouragement and laughter they give. Those small things, without even trying to boost me up, lift my spirits and help me to love myself the way they love me.
3 | Shopping at stores with models that look like me – For the longest time y’all, I had no idea how much this mattered. I would walk into popular stores that only had thin, white, under 120 pounds models and would cry so hard wondering why non of their clothes would fit my petite, curry and large chested figure. I soon realized that as much as I move love some of those stores, those stores may not love me when it comes to selling a range of sizes to fit diverse bodies. Now, I tend to only shop in stores that carry up to a 20 not only for myself, but for my readers as well because I know the importance of seeing your in fashion and pop culture trends.
4 | Stop comparing my current to someone else’s future – Well y’all, I let the cat out of the bag with this one. And maybe I’m the only one who does this but I would find myself comparing where I’m at right now in life to where someone 5-10 years old or with 2-4 more years experience to myself. That was one of the most hurtful things I could ever do. As much as I find myself to be a go-getter and generally be ahead of the pack when it comes my friends, I kept feeling like I need to be more or do more or be better or act better and all of these things were to satisfy a need to appeal more to others, all while running myself to the ground. Not only have I lost too many hours of sleep to count, but I have indirectly pushed myself away from those who are doing better and have more that could potentially be great allies, mentors and friends.
5 | Believing what the Lord says about me – It’s no secret that faith and my sweet Lord have pulled me through everything until now and will pull me through everything in my future. While trying to dig into my faith more over the past couple months, I began going to bible study and church service more, surrounding myself with others who have a heart for Jesus and reading my bible more to find out what Jesus says about me. Here are some of the things I have learned:
God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is no flaw in me.
God says I am more than enough and he will provide anything I need.
God says there is no one who can be the real me he created me to be.
God says I can do anything through him.
God says I am forgiven.
God says I am brave.
God says I am loved.
God says I am strong.
God says I am his.
So y’all, not to say that I will never ever compare myself again but I am learning that even in the world of social media fads, fake followers, photoshop and plastic surgery, that I am in control of how I see myself and how I love myself. For you all, what are some ways that you take time to love yourself more or fight the comparison game? I would love to know in the comments. Thanks so much for reading. -xo, Azanique <3
Top // Vest // Jeans // Shoes // Necklace
Such great words to live by!! You do you girl and that is all that matters! PS: Love your outfit!
xo,
Alice at Lone Star Looking Glass
Thanks so much, sweet friend xo
Love this positive message Azanique! I’ve been trying to carve out a couple hours a day of phone free time too, and more on weekends! It’s amazing how freeing it is to just “live” instead of being on Insta all day long 🙂
xoxo A
http://www.southernbelleintraining.com
LOVE THIS. Keep up the good work, because your confidence absolutely shines through in the pictures you post! Especially with social media, the comparison game can be so detrimental. I’ve been working on thinking about myself like I would talk to a friend. It helps to keep things in perspective!
LOVE this positive attitude and what a beauty that shines from within!!! That’s where true beauty comes from.
Thank you love!
I love this one “Stop comparing my current to someone else’s future” because it’s something I have reminded myself of during my blogging journey. We need to realize we are all on our own paths to success!
I’ve been following more POC on instagram so I can find products and outfits that would look good on me!
That’s such a great idea! Has that been working well for you?
You’re such a beauty inside and out! I agree that Instagram and social media in general definitely bring up those comparison thoughts and it’s so hard not to compare and judge, I struggle with this so much, too! But we have to remember that God made us perfectly how we are supposed to be and we are unique and wonderful! Cheers to loving yourself!
xo, Sara
Such a great mindset to have! Comparison is the absolute WORST! I’m always working on bettering myself with that.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy! I find myself getting upset over things like followers and experiences, but it’s important to appreciate what you have in life. I was also thinking the other day how ridiculous it is that our online lives matter SO MUCH, like, I just want to be offline enjoying real life without worrying about not making a post or whatever. Anyway, thank you for this post, this is a much-needed perspective!
-Emily
https://norepeatsorhesitations.com/2018/04/18/how-to-land-your-dream-job-using-linkedin/
And this is how it should be! you look wonderful, never compare yourself with others and be proud of yourself! sending love xx
http://www.bonjourchiara.com
Thank you, sweet friend <3
I love this post girl. You are so amazing and inspiring and I love your perspective. So important to not compare our journey to anyone else’s!
Kileen
cute & little
I love this post!! So glad to hear you are doing so many great things to love yourself more and be kind to yourself and your path.
xo, Laura
Thanks so much 🙂
omg YES! I love #3 and maybe that’s what i should be doing more… but this is super important, and i’m glad you found a good system for you 🙂
These are all great! 2,4,5 are exactly what I am focusing on now! Especially concentrating on myself and my own path. Great message your’e sharing girl!
I totally agree girl! Thank you xo
These are great tips – especially about shopping at places that have models that look like you! I’m glad the fashion industry is changing to include more body types but we still have a long way to go!
Stop comparing myselt to other is so important! I do it constantly and I hate it!
This topic is soooo important and I’m so glad you covered it!!! xoxo
SO much yes! I look at things going on around me in Dallas and get hurt when I’m not invited and then end up channeling that into super negative thoughts. It’s not healthy or productive! Putting the phone down, focusing on YOUR path and God’s love is the best advice!
I love what you said in #4, I’ve been doing it a lot and it’s so hard to break the habit.
-Ruya
sweetshortandstylish.com
I totally agree!
I love love love this post! It’s so important to love yourself. I will definitely be using these tips too!
Liz
Yes to all of this!!!!! I am really working on being nicer to myself!
Loved the positivity in this post! I agree– comparison is always the worst at bringing me down. Definitely love all your insight <3
Thank you love
This is great! Old Navy has a model that is Asian so I’m a little biased to the products she’s sporting haha.
Girl, I feel the same exact way!
I keep telling myself to just run your own race. Don’t look at other’s just focus on what you can do with what’s happening in your life.
That’s just a great tip for yourself!
And all the people said, “Amen!” I am so thankful to have met you and get to know you a little bit more through your blog! You have a great style and a wonderful personality. I’m proud of the way that you are embracing yourself in a way that is life giving – to you and to those around you. The comparison game is so ugly (& I literally LOL’d at your note on “fake followers”…)
We are better when we support and lift one another up. Rooting for you always!
You are so sweet! Thank you girl. I agree – the comparison game is so ugly and way too common now. Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Love this! Great tips! And the more we spend time in the word, the more we’ll be reminded of who we truly are.
Thank you girl! Yes, spending time in the word has been a literal saving grace for me.
This post is sooooooo good!! Believing what the Lord says about myself was key and is still key in me being free!!!! Thanks for being vulnerable. We need more of this.
xoxo,
Angelle
http://www.dashingdarlin.com
Such a great post and awesome reminders! Thanks so much for sharing! I’m Fixin’ To
Thanks so much girl!